Marc0Lan's Feedbite

Being a nice Guy, is that good or bad?

Thu, 17 May 2012 09:17:48 -0400

Conflicting information

Nice Guys tend to get very conflicting input about maleness and the role of men. They get a constant trickle (or flood) of information about the misbehaviour of men via their women friends. They are also told directly, or by implication, that they are all right as they are 'not like that'. Yet, after hearing so many stories from a woman about the hard time she is having with her current boyfriend, it is the boyfriend and not the Nice Guy she has a physical relationship with. He gets the message, "You are special and different", and the message "You are not good enough for me.", both at the same time. He also gets the message "There is something wrong with men.", and the message, "You are alright." at the same time. Does that imply that he is not a man? It's no wonder that it is confusing to be a Nice Guy!

What is also confusing for a Nice Guy is that he often hears women complaining about men not being 'open' enough. He may take note of this and set out 'improve' himself and be more open. Yet, this backfires too. For while the Nice Guy is 'openly' telling his women friends about the problems in his life he is also labelling himself as a 'loser-in-love' in their eyes. The more 'open' he is and talks about his worries and concerns the more his women friends with see him as a bit insecure. Women don't mind that in friends, and may even enjoy offer advice, help and encouragement, but it does not activate their mating instincts. They may like the man and enjoy getting glimpses into the male world. But, they will try and apply what they learn to the get closer to other men in their lives not to him . Of course, openness is a good thing. The problem is that it has to be counterbalanced by expressing some dynamic outgoing qualities or it can come across as 'weak'.

this comes from one of my favorite dating sites, at MeetYourGreens, the full article is over at their site as I did not want to copy all of it!

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